As Catholic parents, we have a long-term vision for our children. Academic success and worldly achievement are admirable, but our deep desire stretches beyond what we can fully measure with our limited, earthly methods. Ultimately, we want our children to grow in holiness.
This process of becoming more like Christ by spending time with Him and imitating Him is nothing other than growth in virtue.
Virtue is the fruit of the Christian life. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church defines:
A virtue is an habitual and firm disposition to do the good. It allows the person not only to perform good acts, but to give the best of himself. the virtuous person tends toward the good with all his sensory and spiritual powers; he pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions. The goal of a virtuous life is to become like God.
Virtue is formed slowly, through grace, repeated practice, faithful guidance, and, blessedly, the ordinary moments of family life.
How to Cultivate Virtue in Children
The delightful and dutiful reality is that parents play an irreplaceable role in this formation. While virtue is ultimately God's work in the soul, we are called to be instruments in shaping our children's hearts.
Here are six practical ways we can aim to cultivate virtue in our children.
1. Model It
Children learn far more from what we do than from what we say.
If we desire children who are patient, charitable, humble, diligent, forgiving, and joyful, we must strive to become those things ourselves. Our children witness how we respond when we're interrupted, how we speak about others, how we handle disappointment, whether we apologize when we're wrong, and how we persevere when life is difficult.
This doesn't mean we must be perfect parents before we can raise virtuous children. Quite the opposite. One of the greatest lessons we can teach is what repentance and the sheer act of not-giving-up looks like.
2. Expose Them to Great Stories
Stories have always been one of God's favorite ways of teaching His people.
The Story of Salvation History overflows with stories of saints and sinners. Jesus taught through parables.
Additionally, great literature has helped form the moral imagination throughout history by allowing readers to encounter courage, sacrifice, justice, mercy, hope, and love in memorable ways.
Traditional fairy tales, myths, legends, biographies of the saints, and classic literature invite children to admire what is noble and reject what is evil. Rather than simply telling a child that courage is important, stories allow them to witness courage in action. They begin to desire the good because they have learned to love it.
Choose books that present goodness as beautiful, truth as worth pursuing, and virtue as something joyful rather than burdensome.
3. Lay the Foundation of Their Story
We all know by now—thanks to common sense and the detailed discoveries of neuroscience—that the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves matter greatly.
As parents, we get to be our children's first storytellers.
Long before the world begins telling them who they are, they are listening to us.
Do they hear that they are deeply loved by God? That they were created intentionally? That they are capable of growing? That they were made for greatness? That they are beloved sons and daughters called to holiness?
The identity we reinforce lays the foundation upon which they'll build their own thought life. We can help propel them toward Christ!
4. Teach Them About the Virtues
Why would children pursue that which they have not been taught is worth pursuing?
Take time to teach the virtues explicitly. Talk about prudence, justice, fortitude, temperance, faith, hope, charity, humility, generosity, obedience, patience, and perseverance. Explain what these virtues look like in daily life.
Not only will this develop their understanding of what a life lived with and for Christ is filled with, but it will also help them know what to ask the Lord for and what to focus on cultivating during times of struggle.
Giving children the language of virtue helps them cooperate with God's grace in a very concrete way.
If you're looking for a simple, beautiful way to introduce the virtues in your homeschool or family, our Catholic Virtues Study, Virtus, was created for exactly this purpose. Through Scripture, the Saints, memorable stories, rich artwork, thoughtful discussion, and practical application, it helps children understand not only what each virtue is, but how to begin living it.
5. Be Attentive and Supportive
Every child has strengths, and every child has areas where growth is needed.
Pay attention to the virtues your child naturally practices, the virtues they struggle with, and the moments when you notice them intentionally choosing the good.
Noticing these moments help children flourish in pursuing the good, even when it's hard.
Likewise, when they struggle, remember that virtue develops over time. Just as muscles grow stronger through repeated exercise, virtues become habits through repeated opportunities to choose the good. Offer encouragement, purposeful correction, and lots of presence and support.
6. Pray for Them
Ultimately, growth in virtue is the work of grace. We can teach, model, encourage, and guide, but God is the One Who transforms hearts.
Pray daily for your children. Ask the Holy Spirit to cultivate in them the virtues they most need. Pray that they would grow in wisdom, courage, purity, humility, charity, and perseverance. Entrust them to their guardian angels, their patron Saints, and above all to Our Lady, whose life perfectly reflected every virtue.
And don't be afraid to pray with your children for specific virtues!
Over time, they will see that virtue is not something they achieve on their own, but as something they cultivate in cooperation with God's grace.
A Lifelong Pursuit!
Virtue is not formed overnight.
It is cultivated through countless ordinary moments that the Lord allows to shape our hearts to be more like His. By God's grace, these ordinary moments become the means by which He forms extraordinary souls.
As parents, we have the immense privilege of helping shape not only our children's habits, but their hearts. May we faithfully plant the seeds, patiently tend the garden, and trust God to bring forth the fruit.
Ready to dive deeper?
Here are 4 ways to fill your nets...
1. Memorize Bible verses with your children easily with our FREE guide: Stocking the Storehouses
2. Make your dreams of family prayer a reality with The Daily Feast framework, making it possible in just a few minutes a day. This free guide shows you how.
3. Want to steward your own prayer life? Check out this Scripture prayer journal we made just for you.
4. Looking to level-up in your family faith formation? Join over 10,000 families that use our resources. We make open-and-go, family-style resources to make your role as primary catechist easy AND delightful. Click here to browse!
