We are mid-way through the month of the Holy Souls, so let's discuss talking about death with our children.
This is something our family has been forced into, as we have had many close family members die in the past few years. My children are far more acquainted with the concept of death than I was at their age, and while I hate that in many ways, I'm also grateful in many ways.
Much like childbirth, our sanitized society is so removed from the natural cycle of death that it is almost taboo. But death is a part of reality, and I'm thankful that the Church always stands as a beacon of light on the shore of Heaven to remind us that this world is not our home.
So if you worry about your children learning about death, or struggle with how to appropriately discuss death with your children in a way that is developmentally healthy, here are a few things we've learned from personal experience and the professionals we've consulted along the way.
1️⃣ Normalize it (within your local community)
We don't have to hide death from our children. When someone in our community passes away, we can share that information. We can bring our children to cemeteries and funeral homes. It will not scar them; on the contrary, it will help them understand the normal cycle of life and death which can help them be less fearful.
*It is important to note that this is appropriate within the context of the child's relational circle. It can be quite harmful to share uninhibited news of global tragedy with a small child.
2️⃣ Let them see you grieve
Another way children can learn to relate to death in a healthy way is to see you be sad about it. If a friend or family member dies, it is good for your child to see you cry and miss the person. Again, this helps form their perception of death and how to process it properly.
3️⃣ Listen, answer, pray
Children may have a lot of questions about death, especially if someone close to them dies. These questions will often come at inconvenient times! But it's good to pause and listen to their hearts. Answer only what they ask about, and then offer to pray with them. Death is a mystery, and it helps to show our kids that we must always bring our hearts, questions, and sadness to Jesus when we are confronted with death.
4️⃣ Underscore everything with hope in Christ
The final and most important point: always share about death in light of the Resurrection of Jesus. Death is not the end! Even in our grief we hold onto the hope of eternal life with God. This is why we pray for the dead in November! It is hope and confidence that fuels our petitions. The comfort and victory of Christ is the lens through which we can help our children view death.
I hope this is helpful as we continue to pray for the dearly departed in November!
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